Narcissists can be benevolent or malignant. I am not a malignant person, I know that, but I still am good at destroying what I perceive to be a threat. I have learned not to miss, not to look back as I eliminated the people who were sources of threat, but that just is not right. I see that now. It is very important to protect the self but it is equally important to be a better judge of what one perceives as threat. Often I was too quick, too arrogant. I am ashamed as I recall some of my actions. I wish someone taught me a little bit of politics. I have often been brutally honest, blunt, hurtful. That should not have been my truth.
Narcissists feed on narcissistic supply. According to literature these are sources who make one feel superior either physically (somatic narc), or mentally (cerebral narc). I would like to add to this list a third type, a spiritually superior one (moral narc).
I am a combo narcissist who targets all three dimensions (body, mind, soul) simultaneously, and quite possibly due to that I have a sense of wanting to be a better, a balanced narcissist who tops others under the combined criteria of body, mind, soul. This balance is not only achieved in improving in one dimension but also letting go of some efforts in trying to achieve superiority in another. This strategy is particularly useful in life as one gets older and turns to spirituality more as the body loses its attractiveness.
It is perfectly normal to want to improve the self in all three dimensions: physically, mentally, and spiritually. It becomes a disorder when one develops a superiority complex using his or her accomplishments in these arenas and starts bragging to others and causing others to want to disengage, or evaluating others as never good enough to interact with; this is how the self separates from normal people, consciously or not. I am very bad at dealing with weak people in any form their weakness manifests itself: stupid, sick, wounded, etc. I am highly sensitive and their state gives me the creeps because I would not know how to deal with myself if I were in their shoes. Their misfortune is far too strong, and I react very strongly. I used to think this is because I am an ultra emphatic person, that I was internalizing their pain, but I am not so sure anymore if it is the pain or the thought of losing power that I am reacting to. I just don't like stupid, sick, and weak, and I am now training myself to not overreact by telling myself that this is their story not mine, they are not my extensions, and they could be very happy with what they have, so I should cut this whole avoidance of them (by the way I scored at 46% for that compared to the general SimilarMinds.com Personality Disorder Test takers' 39%). I also scored 46% compared to general test takers' 40% in Obsessive-Compulsive traits and that surprised me. I don't see myself as an obsessive-compulsive person, at least not in comparison to my family members,
A narcissist ends up living surrounded by people who are inferior in the dimension of the narcissist's chosen superiority; if cerebral he is the smartest of his circle, if somatic he is the best looking, if moral he is the highest in spirituality or religion. I guess this is because the smarter ones, the prettier ones, and the spiritually higher ones leave without a trace seeing the degree of narcissism in place. I want to see smart people around me, so it is indeed in my best interest to not piss off the smart people by upping them (or trying to up them) all that time. I admit that I treat the parasitic noncontenders better than potentially more valued people and hence end up losing my energies to the parasitic manipulative sociopathic people. Instead I want to become the one who is more sociopathic, and not let my narcissistic tendencies get the best of me.
A narcissist ends up becoming a sociopath target because it is very easy to manipulate a narcissist by complimenting appropriately. Sociopaths can stay around longer than normal people because they don't care in those situations where the narcissist would normally get on normal people's nerves. The relationship ends when sociopath realizes narcissist won't give him what he wants or when sociopath cuts the narcissistic supply.
Narcissist eventually ends up alone, keeps dreaming of finding someone just like himself or herself. I am still at this stage, but I want to be ready to take in by the time I find someone who is worthy or getting involved.
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